And this isn’t going to be War and Peace, either.  I just wanted to drop a line to let everyone know that I’m still alive.  I’ve found that having an infant in the house doesn’t give you more time to do all of those things you’ve been meaning to do.  Go figure.

My list of upcoming movies that I’d like to see, based on trailers I watched tonight.  (Told you it was going to be fluff.)

• Che – Not that you can believe everything you see from Hollywood but a movie about the history of the Cuban revolution is something I’m interested in.
• Adventureland – Bill Hader is good in everything and Kristen Wiig just cracks me up.
• 9 – Looks like a cool mix of Tim Burton weirdness (even though he’s just the producer) and action and a neat story.  Great voice actors, too.  The director did 300 so it’s got some pedigree.
• Good – Wow.  This Viggo Mortensen flick about a professor who gets drawn into the Nazi party is right up my alley.  A thinker that makes you ask the question, what would I do?  How can good people go so wrong?
• Astroboy – I watched the cartoon when I was a kid.  I’ll rent this one.  Guilty pleasure.
• Watchmen – The special effects in the trailer look incredible.  I know nothing about the back history but it looks like you don’t need to.
• I Love You Man – Paul Rudd is one of the funniest actors going.  There truly isn’t a role I haven’t loved him in.  He plays a guy who has never really had a guy friend and he sets about trying to find one.  Has Andy Samberg as Rudd’s brother and Rashida Jones, of The Office fame, as his bride-to-be.
• The Wrestler – Looks sad but good.  People think Mickey Rourke might win an Oscar for this one.
• Yonkers Joe – A gambling/con movie with heart.  I welled up watching the trailer.  You just know something awful is going to happen.  Joe is trying to win enough money to send his Down syndrome son to a good school, but he’s going to do it by stealing from Vegas.
• Duplicity – A heist movie that looks like Mr. and Mrs. Smith without the guns.  I like Clive Owen enough to overlook Julia Roberts.
• Seven Pounds – Will Smith could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves.  He sold me as an actor after Six Degrees of Separation.  I have no idea what the movie’s about but it’s intriguing.
• Knowing – Although I’m not really a Nicolas Cage fan, the trailer for Knowing creeps me out and excites me at the same time.  His son uncovers a 50 year old letter that has the dates and body counts of every natural disaster from the past, and some from the future.  Hilarity ensues.  Just kidding.  It actually moves into end-of-the-world aliens/gods territory after that, in a Sixth Sense sort of way.  Awesome.
• Terminator: Salvation – If anyone can reboot a franchise it’s Christian Bale, as he’s already proven with Batman Begins and The Dark Knight.  But really, if you’ve seen the previous 3 Terminators, are you going to skip the 4th?  Didn’t think so.
• The Proposal – Total date movie but it’s got Ryan Reynolds in it.  Like Clive Owen over Julia Roberts, I’ll see this one for Reynolds over Sandra Bullock.  A witch of a boss is forced to marry her whipped assistant when she finds out she’s being deported (back to Canada).  There’s just something wrong with the whole Canada angle but I’ll overlook it.  (Perhaps Reynolds should have coached Bullock a little on being Canadian.  We would never say, “but I’m from Canada!”  We’d surely say, “but I’m Canadian!”)
• He’s Just Not That Into You – Another date movie about, well, modern day dating.  This movie features a few people I really like in movies such as Scarlett Johansson, Bradley Cooper, Justin Long, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Connelly and Drew Barrymore.
• X-Men Origins: Wolverine – My only complaint about this movie is that it seems like it might be overloaded with cool characters.  I felt like that was what dragged down the original set of X-Men movies and others like Spider Man.  Wolverine is cool enough on his own to carry a movie.  We don’t need 7 baddies to keep us interested.  I thought Iron Man did such a great job of keeping it simple.  Amazingly, Ryan Reynolds features again.  He’s my favourite actor right now so that is just more goodness for me.  Liev Schreiber looks completely badass in the trailer and, despite my trepidations, I really can’t wait to see this one.
• All About Steve – Sandra Bullock again?  This date movie has Thomas Haden Church and Bradley Cooper in it so that makes it ok for it to be on the list.  Bullock follows Cooper across the country thinking they’re meant to be together.  Hilarity ensues.  Maybe.  I’m sure I’ll have a couple of laughs though.  Sometimes that’s enough.
• Street Fighter: the Legend of Chun Li – Strictly a wire fu filler.  When you’re testosterone level is a little low, like after watching a Sandra Bullock movie, just watch some wire fu.  It’ll have you topped up in no time.  Let’s hope this one is better than the terrible first try at the Street Fighter franchise featuring Jean-Claude Van Damme.  Just terrible.
• Year One – Michael Cera and Jack Black is a bit of an odd combination but Cera’s uncomfortable nerd seems to mesh well with Black’s over the top crazy man in the trailer.  This one may be best viewed in the company of like-minded viewers.  People who liked Nacho Libre or Superbad.
• Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – Some people I know won’t have anything to do with a Michael Bay film.  All I can say is that, except for Mojo the dog whizzing on Ironhide’s foot, I absolutely loved the first Transformers movie.  The special effects were truly amazing.  I expect more of the same – pure popcorn fun.
• G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra – Seems like I’ve hit a few movies with colons in the titles.  That might tip my hat a bit to the type of movies I’m apt to pay money to see.  Truthfully, I had no interest in a live-action G.I. Joe adaptation, until I saw the trailer.  I love the direction they’ve gone and again, the special effects look incredible.  I’m nervous about Marlon Wayans in an action role, but I might have said the same about Jamie Foxx before I saw Collateral.  I’ll give him a chance.
• Land of the Lost - I’m all for actors branching out and trying something a bit new (see my Jamie Foxx comment above, and I also loved Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder).  I am worried that this Will Ferrell movie won’t be Will Ferrelly enough though.  We’re pretty used to “non-stop laughfest”s from Ferrell and Land of the Lost appears to have a significant CG component.  Ferrell and his crew stumble into a world with dinosaurs etc.  Hilarity ensues.  Danny McBride, of Tropic Thunder and Pineapple Express fame shows up in this so that bumps the movie up my list.
• Crank 2 – Jason Statham seems to only play one character these days: the super tough everyman.  Like a British Bruce Willis in his prime, if Bruce Willis had been an MMA champ.  I caught myself enjoying the first in the series, appropriately named Crank, so I can only guess this one will be more of the same.  The trailer certainly points that way.  Amy Smart was excellent in the first one but I don’t know how they’ll top the sex scene at the newstand in front of a school bus.  The MacGuffin in the first movie was that Statham had been drugged and his heart was going to explode very shortly (just enough time to exact his revenge it turns out).  In this one the MacGuffin is that his heart has actually been replaced by a cheap artificial version which will hopefully last long enough for him to find his real heart and get it put back into his chest (oh, and exact his revenge).  A sequel was inevitable after the original more than doubled its money.  If nothing else, see this one for Statham’s character’s name: Chev Chelios.  Awesome.

Well, that’s it.  I got a little carried away and wrote way more than I intended.  Hopefully you made it this far and dug what I had to say.  If you did, leave me a comment with your 2009 movie list.  If you didn’t, leave me a comment and tell my why my list is terrible.

Cheers everyone!

J

I have to say that, being raised in a small town I was nervous about living and working in the city.  The general notion is that people in a small town are warm and generous and people in the city are cold and terse.  I’m proud to report that at least one city, Belleville, Ontario, is as kind and as warm as any small town I’ve ever been in.

This weekend was a highlight for me as I got to watch my daughter ‘perform’ in her first figure skating gala.  Since this is her first year her performance was little more than some shuffling of a hula and some circle skating but it was clear to see that she has a knack for the spotlight.  We were also treated to some fantastic displays of showmanship from Peter O’Brien, Shawn Sawyer, and Joannie Rochette.  Suffice it to say that I was impressed with the production quality of the show.  I did feel bad for Joannie and Shawn being put on the spot to comment about the Olympic torch coming to Prince Edward County (they both handled the task admirably).  Oh yeah, and the attendance?  Packed house for both shows.  Great job everyone.

On Sunday I took my Ella to the Sears family Christmas party.  It’s an annual event that Sears puts on for its employees and it reaffirms the reason why I stay here.  While the pay could be better (who doesn’t complain about their pay?) the effort to please the employees is stellar.  My Ella received a gift, was entertained for the morning, watched a movie and played her heart out.  She is already looking forward to next year’s events (there’s a summer party, too).

To top it all off, this morning in the drive-through at Tim Horton’s I was attacked with a random act of kindness.  The woman in front of me must have liked my singing along to the radio because she anonymously paid for my breakfast.  This is the second or third time I’ve received this kind of RAoK and I’ve given it twice and it amazes me each time the rush and the joy it brings to both parties.  If you get a chance, and are feeling adventurous, give it a try.  You’ll spend the rest of the day wondering about the person behind you and how you’ve surprised them.  It puts a smile on your face the whole day through.

Oh yeah, and I saw the Dark Knight on the weekend.  One word – wow.  I’ll never forget the image of Heath Ledger in the nurse’s outfit walking away from the hospital.  Scary.  And the lip-smacking.  Agh!  Ultra creepy.

PS – The happy faces?  Those are the results from the Acid Test 2 in IE 7 (the first image) and Chrome (the second).  What are the good people at Microsoft doing?

This is my favourite email joke.  I’m sure everyone has seen it but I’m posting it here for posterity.  Enjoy.

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting
Texas:

  Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding
  Famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili
  cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the
  original person called in sick at the last moment, and I
  happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking
  directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was
  assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the
  chili wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides they told
  me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

  Here are the scorecards from the event:

  Chili # 1: Mike’s Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
  JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
  JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
  FRANK: Holy smokes, what the hell is this stuff? You could
  remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took two beers
  to put the flames out. Hope that’s the worst one. These hicks
  are crazy.

  Chili # 2: Arthur’s Afterburner Chili
  JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight
  Jalapeno tang.
  JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor needs more peppers to be
  taken seriously.
  FRANK: Shit! Keep this away from the children! I’m not sure
  what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave
  off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich
  maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line.

  Chili # 3: Fred’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
  JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more
  beans.
  JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red
  peppers.
  FRANK: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA; I’ve located a
  uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano.
  Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I
  could make it to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the
  back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest.

  Chili # 4: Bubba’s Black Magic
  JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice.  Disappointing.
  JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for
  fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
  FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was
  unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with
  fresh refills to save me the run.

  Chili # 5: Linda’s Legal Lip Remover
  JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
  adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
  JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato.
  Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
  FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can’t focus my eyes. I farted
  and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant
  seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain
  damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it.
  Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to
  stop screaming.

  Chili # 6: Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety
  JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance
  of spice and peppers.
  JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
  garlic. Superb.
  FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous
  flames No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally.

  Chili # 7: Susan’s Screaming Sensation Chili
  JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned
  peppers.
  JUDGE TWO: Very Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned
  chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried
  about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress.
  FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth and pull the pin,
  and I wouldn’t feel it. I’ve lost the sight in one eye, and the
  world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are
  covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at
  some point. Thank God! At autopsy they’ll know what killed me.
  Have decided to stop breathing, too painful, not getting any
  oxygen anyway.

  Chili # 8: Helen’s Mount Saint Chili
  JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe
  for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
  JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither
  mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge
  Number 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself.
  FRANK: ——- (editor’s note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

Sing those words to the tune of Marcha Toreador from Carmen and you won’t be able to get it out of your head.  (If you’re thinking, what the hell is a Marcha Treador, search for it on YouTube and you’ll recognize the tune right away.)  It’s a little ditty that my buddy, Adam, sings when he wants to annoy me.  It annoys me because it’s so catchy I’ll end up singing it all day.

It’s funny how certain tunes will stick in your head while others seem to pass right through.  Another tune that is impossible to exercise from memory is the theme to Robot Chicken (“bock bock bock, bock bock bock, bock bock bocka bocka bock bock bock”).  Once you hear it you end up repeating it until you’re mad at yourself for singing it yet again.

That’s the kind of impact you just can’t make visually.  Sometimes a pleasing visual memory can be triggered but it doesn’t replay over and over throughout the day.  It’s a wonder that more websites don’t use sound to try to brand themselves.  But then again, I guess you don’t want the sound of two guys imitating chickens blaring over your speakers at the office – might get you fired.  Now get back to work.

It seems that every generation has their own “where were you when _____ happened” event.  For my dad it was John F. Kennedy being shot.  Prior to that it may have been the sneak attack on Pearl Harbor.  For my generation it is definitely the attacks on the World Trade Center in New York.  (OJ in the white Bronco and Princess Diana both register but neither had nearly the impact on my life.)

I find it so interesting to hear other peoples’ stories of where they were and what they did so here’s mine.

On September 11, 2001 I was working at Atomic Energy of Canada Limited in Mississauga.  I was listening to Howard Stern on my commute to Toronto from Belleville when he started talking about a plane crashing into the WTC tower.  In my mind it was a little two or four seater and an interesting news story but when Howard, all of a sudden, started going crazy about a second plane crashing into the other tower I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  I was an avid Stern fan at the time so it took me a while to realize that he was serious, especially since no one on any other radio station was saying anything about the crashes.  When I realized it was serious and that these weren’t accidents it actually made me angry that the other stations were continuing to gleefully play music, either ignorant or in denial of what was going on.  Of course, had they come on and said that terrorist attacks were taking place all over American skies, the chaos may have been worse.

Instead of going to work I drove straight past the office and went to East Side Mario’s (a restaurant/bar) because I knew they’d have televisions (and I was sufficiently late for work that the place would be open).  I was still struck by how little people seemed to be reacting to the attacks.  It wasn’t until the first tower collapsed that people really stopped what they were doing and took notice.

I didn’t ever end up at work that day.  My boss was annoyed but understood.  I spent the day in the company of strangers, worried about my friends in the States, and very confused about the future.  I can’t say the future is any more clear now but I do hold my friends closer.

My heart goes out to all of the families of the victims of the attacks, as well as to anyone else who has lost a loved one too soon.

By the way, I know they’re rebuilding but I think the two lights beaming to the heavens are a moving and striking sight to behold.  You really can’t see them and not stop to take it all in.