Let me start by saying, I love movies. I’m quite willing to sit through 90 minutes of boring for a final 10 minute payoff. I’ve been burned but I’ve also been surprised. The best example of being surprised is Primal Fear, a 1996 drama/thriller starring Richard Gere and Edward Norton (his debut). That movie bored me to tears until much after what I thought was the climax. The payoff was great - a The Usual Suspects sort of payoff. Now that I’ve told you that you’ll be expecting it… oh well. If it gets you to rent the movie then it was worth it.

This past weekend, while my three year old Ella was on “bay-cayshun” with Grandma and Fishing Papa, my wife and I decided to buy her Happy Feet for when she gets back. We also decided that it would be fun to watch it first, together, since we rarely get to watch Ella’s movies in their entirety. After drywalling and priming was finished we finally sat down and popped it in. All of the previews were for Christmas movies, which I found strange, but it got me stoked about seeing Fred Claus. Love that Vince Vaughn. See Clay Pigeons for a different side of a great actor.

The first thing that struck me about the movie was the music. The penguins in Happy Feet are taught that music is what makes the world go ’round, and as such, all of the penguins can sing and spend most of the movie doing so. I really liked how most of the songs were medleys of great tunes I knew all of the words to. Some were really timely and put a big grin on my face - Leader of the Pack comes to mind. Although the tap numbers were very fun to watch for me, I’m pretty sure that Ella would prefer less complicated, copyable numbers. That’s my minor quibble.

When you’re putting together an animated feature, casting Robin Williams in at least one role should be a law. In HF he plays at least two characters but is given a much shorter leash than he was in Robots or with his mold-breaking Genie in Aladdin. Hugh Jackman channels Elvis for his character, Memphis, and Elijah wood plays a Frodo in feathers as Mumble, Mr. Happy Feet himself. Steve Irwin (RIP) has a brief cameo as an elephant seal. The “crikey!” grabbed my attention but I wasn’t able to place the voice until I was watching the special features.

Now here’s the meat of my review, the reason why Ella won’t be watching this movie for a year at least. The “scary” parts of Happy Feet are really quite realistic and truly terrifying. I was immediately reminded of the second chapter in Finding Nemo (where the barracuda eats Nemo’s mom all of the fish eggs except for Nemo). I guess they feel that if they don’t make it scary enough they’ll miss out on the teen market, or something. I don’t know. What I do know is that the harp seal and killer whale parts were enough to make me cringe. The teeth, music, and pace of action all combine to a moment I’m sure would, at the very least, cause Ella to run from the room yelling “Isi, it’s too scary!”

You know, there’s a reason why Shrek 2 set all kinds of records at the box office (3rd on the all-time US domestic gross behind Star Wars and Titanic): it wasn’t scary. Parents had no hesitations about taking their little ones to see the ogre because the first Shrek featured action scenes, not horror scenes. Even the busiest scenes in the first two movies featured upbeat, fun music. [Don’t get me started on Shrek 3 - what the heck happened there? Shrek’s creepy nightmares were out of place. Although… Eric Idle was fantastic.]

You might point out to me that Happy Feet is rated PG and not G. Well, the rating is appropriate, I can’t argue with that. The problem is that the film is clearly marketed at young children. I almost felt offended as I watched the harp seal chasing Mumble, trying to tear him to shreds. The killer whales and the harp seal served no purpose other than to scare the viewer. At least the sharks in Nemo were amusing. Scaring kids is a disturbing trend, but one that was started before my time as a parent. All you have to do is go back and watch a kids movie from your own youth to know that filmmakers have seemingly always forgotten the youngest of viewers (um, Bambi anyone? No? How about Annie with the alcoholic Miss Hannigan or Rooster trying to kill Annie!).

Oh well, I guess there is a lesson in the whole thing. If you’ve got the time, preview the movies yourself, before you let the little ones see them. Failing that, watch it with them the first time so that you can answer any questions. I’ll never forget the look on Ella’s face when I left her alone with The Incredibles for a few minutes - that movie is probably a few years off too.

I love DVDs because I can skip chapters that I know my Ella will be afraid of. Here’s my list of scenes I regularly skip in films that were clearly marketed towards young children:

• harp seal and killer whale ultra-violent chase scenes - Happy Feet
• barracuda eating the whole family - Finding Nemo
• grasshoppers torturing ants to within and inch of their lives - A Bug’s Life
• sabre-toothed tigers attacking humans - Ice Age
• sea creatures attacking the ‘herd’ - Ice Age 2
• Syndrome dropping baby Jack-Jack from 5000′ - The Incredibles
• Rooster chasing Annie up the bridge - Annie (1982)

Feel free to add to my list by leaving a comment. I’d be interested to know what other seemingly innocent movies have truly terrifying moments. jj

Oh yeah, and after she sees Happy Feet, going to the zoo is going to be a lot different. Yeesh.